To Whom It May Concern:
And to the nosey bastard reading this without permission!

I regret to inform you that by reading this you are, as of now, a prime target for blackmail. At this very moment you are being watched, and every little thing you do is being carefully written down in detail. If you wish to not be blackmailed, simply take the anvil we have placed on your desk and, NO! The OTHER anvil, and toss it out of the 2nd to last window on the 30th story on the west side of the building at precisely 1:32 p.m. at a 27˚ angle, four days from the 2nd Saturday in June, and while screaming “Ooh! I’m a pretty girl!” five times, clap twice, and then jump out of the window. Or you can submit to our blackmailing and pay us $3,485,762,100.05 by the 3rd Tuesday in April, in the middle of the Sahara Desert (Latitude -748˚, Longitude 554˚ ) at the exact time of 5:54 p.m. You have two days to respond.

Yours truly,
Spiny Norman of Blackmail Inc.
(Mrs.)


P.S. You have a nasty booger hanging out of your left nostril.